the weight of my Father’s heart

 This week my team started ministry in Los Pinos. As I was walking up the mountain God kept asking me to open my eyes. I didn’t want to. I know that He wanted to share with me what He sees. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to share the weight of His heart. It was too heavy. It is too much. But, I allowed Him to use me. It was tough. There is a lot of spiritual warfare going on in these houses we visit. It can be a dark place. The living conditions, I’m sure you can all imagine and know in your minds, but let me tell you it is different when you know the people who live in that. It is different to see and smell and feel and walk in. It is heavy.
The terrain is unreal. Like literally you are falling of little cliffs and stepping on little stones and it’s slippery and it is dangerous. There are very old and sick people who walk that. There are children who walk that. There are pregnant mothers who walk that. I don’t know how. I can barely keep balanced, I often don’t. But, as I was walking the other day I realized I could only focus on one step at a time. I literally keep my head down and can only think of the very next place my foot will land. This walk is hard, yet it is rewarding. The view is incredible. Like nothing I have ever seen. This walk is a constant reminder of how I must walk with my God. He holds my hand the entire way, but only asks me to focus on the very next step. To be present. To be here.
To see where these boys used to live. To visit with their mothers and siblings who are still there is eye opening. That’s all I can say. I can see God in some of these houses, though. I can see life. I can feel hope. This weight is heavy.
But you know what? It is not mine to carry.
I carry hope.
I carry life.
I carry power.
I carry joy.
I carry my God inside of me.
And that is what I carry into that place. 
 
below is a video of our first week.  I love my home. I even stood under the arctic pipeline shower the entire time this week. There is hope J we have it so good here.
Keep praying for open hearts in Los Pinos and in us… and maybe a few less biting insects.
Ps the spiders in this video were bigger than my hand! And poisonous apparently. We had to swim past sooo many of them. Worth it? absolutely. Be careful when you ask God for adventure.